Thursday, July 10, 2008

Armageddon Craft

In a world... fraught with danger, war, and humans who don't always have skulls...

Time is ticking down.

Only five hours remain of the life we know.

One shadow priest has a chance - to end it all - on HER TERMS.

*cue explosion montage*

So Matticus of the awesome Priest blog posed this question to Phaelia once in an interview: You have five hours until WoW is no more - how do you spend it? I restrained myself mightily from poring over the other bloggers' responses on Blog Azeroth - I know me well enough to know that I'd spend an hour going, "oh, that!" "no - wait - that!" and this post would never get written. So - that having been said - apologies to anyone whose thoughts I may have inadvertently swiped.

What would I do... hmmm... As much as it may pain me to admit, a great many of my in-game actions are tempered by a thorough pre-act run through the gauntlet of "how pissed would D be if he knew I did THAT?" No matter how much I may try to justify a small or petty act, a smart-assy comment - this exercise really brings it into perspective. Now, that's not to say that I make D responsible for being my conscience - oh, no. His personality is simply the archtype I use to view my intentions from another standpoint.

So - first things first - we throw that right the hell out the window. Raid on Goldshire!! Hells-ya. Primary targets? Quest-givers and trainers. I'd make the following macros and spam them on every player: /point, /laugh, /pat - and then I'd kill them. I would respond to every post in Trade and General chat with the eloquent, yet concise, "ur mom."

I'd farm mats to craft epics - and then put them up in the AH for several thousand gold. I figure there must be people out there whose last wishes must include dropping their entire savings on an epic piece for an alt, right?

I'd send out ransom notes via in-game mail to my guildies for each of my non-combats pets... "Mail me all of your gold NOW or the [Mechanical Squirrel] gets it." And I know these people... no WAY could they stand idly by and watch me sacrifice innocent non-combat pets.

I'd empty all of my Ignore lists, on all toons. Yes, all of them. Even that fellow warlock I got into the Banishing war with back in Blade's Edge.* I'd whisper each of them like a long-lost cousin, "hey there! Remember me? Sure you do." /hug

And then when they responded? /ignore

That reminds me... I'd take my warlock up to the Elemental Plateau and just banish the mobs. I'd also take her to Goldshire and summon Infernals. I'd take Prin to the zeps and promise to teach newbies an important lesson concerning dueling - and I'd promise not to cast any harmful spells on them. No, Mind Control is not technically a harmful spell.

I'd take my hunter and tame a pet to represent my ex... and then I'd let it die, over and over again. Wait - that was out loud, wasn't it? *blush*

You know, you hear a lot about how WoW has negative effects on the lives of its players. Reading back over this post - I'm inclined to believe that Blizzard keeps it up and running to save us from ourselves. They're philanthropists, really.


*See, I was fighting one fire elemental, and another one aggro'd to me. I dotted it - but then another warlock in the area banished it before the dot ticked, and effectively stole my target. So I waited until he had a mob tagged - and I banished it. He reciprocated in turn, I repaid in kind, words were exchanged, including heated opinions concerning heritage and lifestyle practices - and then D intervened and essentially sent us to our rooms. Sigh - good times.

1 comment:

gnomeaggedon said...

1000 gold in the mail... just leave the poor mechanical squirrel alone... I want it as a mount.